sadness

the dynamics of our house - my parent's house - have changed dramatically. on friday, we made the awful decision to euthanize Benji.

he was old - 17 - and his health was deteriorating quickly. i'll admit, i was strongly in favour of the euthanization. we'd been anticipating it for a long time, and had all acknowledged that he wouldn't make it much longer. and when he wandered into the middle of the pool cover - which was filled with freezing cold water - and couldn't find a way out, we knew it was getting to be time.

what i really did not anticipate was how awful it would be. i made the phone call and scheduled the appointment - all the while feeling horrible because he was following me around, tail wagging, wanting an alpo biscuit. dad and chelsey went to the actual appointment and, though i wasn't there, what i've been told about it haunts me. three days later, i still feel wretched. i go back and forth between regret and intense grief. he was suffering, his quality of life was deteriorating rapidly, and he wasn't going to make it much longer. yet at the same time, he was still mentally "there" - he knew what was going on, and though he was blind and nearly deaf, he knew when one of us was around and was never far away.

there's an emptiness in the house ... my cat's bowl is now in the dog's spot. he's not lying near the door or wandering around the hall. there's really no need to check if the back door is locked because it hasn't been opened tonight. though it has been three days, i've been away at a conference and am only now really experiencing the loss.

i have a feeling it's going to be a while before it all sinks in. but this, like all grief, will lessen with time. in the meantime, i'd better try to sleep.

-c

niagara falls!

the blog post about this trip is coming ... for now, here's the link to the photos!

niagara getaway!

xox

back to life

It's time to bring the blog back to life.

So, what's new?

A few things have happened since I returned from beautiful Roma ...

1) Plans for my glorious return to Europe have been set aside ... of course. Anyone surprised? The reasons for this are several, and although europe is not looming in my (anywhere near) future, I'm so happy.

2) I'm moving out of my parents house - again! The search for the "perfect apartment" is now underway, and I will be relocating to the small city of Orillia, Ontario.

3) The reason for the move - school! Of course - again, anyone surprised? The Where: Georgian College and the What: Child and Youth Worker. See HERE for more info :)

4) This year's Relay for Life is over, but the work hasn't quite ended! The relay itself was incredible ... We raised over $142,000 and had 61 teams registered. The community pulled together to make this a success, and I thank each and every one of my amazing volunteers. My job as volunteer coordinator was at times overwhelming and very challenging - but the rewards are many and I'm so glad I did it. Over the next six weeks I will be attending two Leadership Conferences for the Relay - one in Barrie and one in Mississauga. I'm really excited about these - they offer an opportunity to meet other Relay delegates and to get more involved with the CCS.

5) I'm just plain happy.

Glad to be back :)
xoxo
Candice